I can’t believe that it’s been over two months since my last post. The chaos of summer seems to overwhelm me every year. The kids have different schedules and most of the time it’s go, go, go all day long. I never stopped thinking about posting. Boy did I think about it…a lot. My thought process in regards to the blog this summer had a guilty vibe riding shot gun at times. I mean isn’t that what we do? We put added pressure and feelings of guilt right on top of our already overwhelmed, exhausted selves.
I am 100% sure that I posted about cutting myself some slack a few months ago. And that’s exactly what I did in regards to the blog. In order to be the best me which included being the best mom and wife – I needed to take a step back. I had to regroup and start falling back into a routine, a comfortable routine.
So I’m back. I’m looking forward to sharing some new ideas with you. I have a bunch of posts lined up with an emphasis on the art I’ve been creating including the #taggedbykindness project which is still going strong.
There will be some changes as the weeks and months move forward. I’m excited to announce a few guest bloggers (squeal) – you know who you are. With time and plenty of patience I plan on changing the look of Soul-Positive and adding some merchandise. So as most people look at January 1st as the start of a new year – I declare October 5th the rebirth of Soul-Positive. I hope you’ll stick around and see what grows.
I didn’t intentionally take a break for over three weeks. I thought I had this blogging thing down. I was scheduled and churning out posts like a boss when BOOM – life happened. The end of the school year always sends me into a bit of a tail spin. Teachers’ gifts, last minute school projects, cramming everything I possibly can into these last few days and weeks before school ends…the pace picks up and I slowly lose track of the days. It begins as a trickle and ends in a flood – complete with an emotional tidal wave. This tends to lead to a period of feeling completely overwhelmed. Hence the radio silence friends. I feel like I’m one of those cartoon characters where my feet are kicking up dust and running 100 miles per hour but I am covering exactly zero percent ground.
Am I alone in this emotional frenzy? I lean towards no. I cannot be the only mama who wrings her hands over what needs to be done on the never ending to do list. I move forward but not with any structure. I am not comfortable with frenzy. I like to always have a plan and negotiate changes logically. But as the school year comes to an end I feel like I drop my ball of yarn and am just trying to pull it back to me but the ball gets further and further away. My feelings of guilt for all the things that I haven’t been able to finish start to multiply.
Here’s the thing and after having many an end of school years I’ve learned to tread water for a while and pull myself back to center. The summer schedule gets a little easier and I settle into my routine, and the routine of our home. I take a few more deep breaths. I pause when it’s needed. I remain my own friend. I continue a gentleness with myself.
So maybe my posts won’t be as frequent this summer. Or maybe I will adopt a whole new schedule that allows time for writing more often. I’m ready to adjust my sails for whatever the next few months blows my way.
I hope you’re finding some peace in these summer months and finding some time to take care of you.
I recently began an art journal collaboration with one of my dear friends. We work independently for one month following a list of prompts and then mail the journal to each other and again work independently in the other persons journal. This is a wonderful project that really has my brain working overtime creatively and my soul searching through introspection.
The most recent prompt was “If I could do it all again would I change anything?” Hmmm…now this certainly brings up some feels. I thought a lot about the struggles I’ve had in my life – some small…some not so small. I know for a fact that I didn’t always handle adversity with an open heart or mind. My patterns of denial, overwhelming sadness or straight up anger I’m sure didn’t contribute to any kind of internal resolution. The road to becoming who I am today has been bumpy, winding and most often uphill. But this is my own private road and I’ve learned to navigate the curves.
What good is the coulda, shoulda, woulda game though? I am who I am because of personal growth. All the bruises that I’ve accumulated along the way have gently molded my soul. I really feel that 20/20 hindsight minimizes the journey. If I had a magic wand and could change the past I’d take a pass. For all the ugly that there has been – the stupid choices, the venom of anger, the sting of regret, the hollow of sadness…there has been immense joy. The moments where my heart has exploded with love, the chills from feeling the feels, the warmth of pride. I wouldn’t change one step of this journey. This journey of growth although sometimes painful is also filled with pure love. Changing any of the unpleasantness would take away from the hustle. We are who we are because of the journey. I worked hard to become this person and I want to feel every second of it.
The universe has a funny way of dropping a big ole’ mind battle right into your morning coffee sometimes. You’re reading the newspaper with your slippers on and the next thing you know your mind is taken over with negative thoughts of situations that you have no way of controlling. Maybe it’s a verbal bomb someone left for you. Or you saw something on Facebook that struck a nerve. Maybe you’re recalling that time you were standing on the soccer sideline and heard an opposing parent say something to your child on the field. These things have all happened to me. I consider myself a pretty positive person…hence the Soul-Positive website. But after all I am also human.
The easiest form of rationalizing for me seems to be oozing a stream of negative thoughts on a reel inside my head. I completely internalize everything. My worries have worries. I lay it out in my brain, cut it open and dissect it some more until I am completely overwhelmed. I think this is human nature and it can be a pattern a lot of us get caught up in. I allow myself that short period of time to purge all my negativity – even if it’s only in my own brain. I think that’s healthy mentally for me. A huge problem arises when you allow yourself to move in to that negative space and unpack. That is something that I will not allow myself to do.
After purging the negative – brick by brick I begin building up the positive. Positivity gets threaded on that reel and I start to think of all the ways that I can accept the things that I cannot change. There are situations in our lives that are just beyond our control. I can control exactly one person – ME. What someone says or does, how they treat me, how they conduct themselves – that’s not my concern. How I react to these situations is my concern. Keeping a Positive Mental Attitude and remaining mentally fit during these times takes a conscious effort. PMA is not just three beautifully strung words – it’s something you have to work towards constantly, you have to own it and believe in it. And most importantly – you have to WANT it.
Can it ever be mastered? My short answer is no. I don’t think you ever master having a Positive Mental Attitude 24/7. Even the most positive of people have their share of dark clouds. But I do believe that you can manage a Positive Mental Attitude. Recognizing your thoughts are just that – your thoughts, they’re not facts, they’re not set in concrete. You can control your feelings.
Being conscious of your thought patterns and embracing the positivity will foster a healthy PMA environment. Isn’t that really what we all want? We want to manage our lives – the good, the bad, the ugly and the uglier. We want to be able to function when the universe drops a worry on our doorstep. Keeping your mind open, uncluttered of negativity will ease your way into managing a Positive Mental Attitude. Negativity has a purpose but it’s purpose is brief. Positivity is the big guy…he needs all the room he can get to help you lead a successful, happy and POSITIVE life.