Tag Archives: Shoulda

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda…

Coulda woulda shoulda

I recently began an art journal collaboration with one of my dear friends.  We work independently for one month following a list of prompts and then mail the journal to each other and again work independently in the other persons journal.  This is a wonderful project that really has my brain working overtime creatively and my soul searching through introspection.

The most recent prompt was “If I could do it all again would I change anything?” Hmmm…now this certainly brings up some feels.  I thought a lot about the struggles I’ve had in my life – some small…some not so small.  I know for a fact that I didn’t always handle adversity with an open heart or mind.  My patterns of denial, overwhelming sadness or straight up anger I’m sure didn’t contribute to any kind of internal resolution.  The road to becoming who I am today has been bumpy, winding and most often uphill. But this is my own private road and I’ve learned to navigate the curves.

What good is the coulda, shoulda, woulda game though? I am who I am because of personal growth.  All the bruises that I’ve accumulated along the way have gently molded my soul.  I really feel that 20/20 hindsight minimizes the journey.  If I had a magic wand and could change the past I’d take a pass.  For all the ugly that there has been – the stupid choices, the venom of anger, the sting of regret, the hollow of sadness…there has been immense joy.  The moments where my heart has exploded with love, the chills from feeling the feels, the warmth of pride.  I wouldn’t change one step of this journey.  This journey of growth although sometimes painful is also filled with pure love.  Changing any of the unpleasantness would take away from the hustle.  We are who we are because of the journey.  I worked hard to become this person and I want to feel every second of it.